2 x 6 = enjoyment!

Some of you are no doubt aware that I had a six-word memoir published a year ago. Well, the folks at Smith Magazine are at it again, and they've just released another tome of shorter-than-short non-fiction -- this time with a theme: "Love & Heartbreak." And believe it or not, *I* am at it again, too. I had a second memoir published, one of the few people to be featured in both books.

The first memoir was pretty serious stuff. "Changing mind postponed demise by decades" refers to a few simple decisions that, when repeated every day for years, pulled me out of a suicidal depression. The memoir and accompanying image are here (ninth one in the series), and the back-story was published by Smith Magazine here.

Interestingly my mother and one of my sisters commented on the back-story, both saying they had no idea what I was going through. I know that wasn't true for my mom, but I believe my sister. And it surprised me that she didn't know -- but she was probably dealing with her own demons from the crazed family environment. I didn't really know what was going on with her, either. Maybe someday she'll write a six-word memoir that *I* can comment on :)

Anyhow, the second memoir is on the topic of Love & Heartbreak. Rachel Fershleiser and Larry Smith from Smith Magazine were in town last Tuesday on the book launch tour. I checked in with them at the event, at the Brookline Booksmith, and got more than I bargained for.

First, the bookstore's projector was missing a cable. Calling on my years of IT experience, I figured out that we could scavenge one from an old monitor and that's how IT Man saved the day (and got his first round of applause!). They got to show a nice presentation with some choice memoirs from the new book, and it was a great way to warm up the crowd.

Once things got rolling, they called me up to talk about the first and second memoirs, the back stories to each, and how I felt about the process. After telling a shorter version of the back-story from the first one, I moved on to the second memoir.

"They all came before they left."

That got a hearty laugh from the audience, and after some banter between me and Rachel, the story I told was basically this. The memoir refers to a string of women who broke things off with me right after I got them to... er, the "promised land," if you know what I mean. I realize that each relationship ended for different reasons, but it was an odd coincidence that they never seemed to fall apart *before* I got to show my mastery.

My friends sometimes joke about my video game fast-twitch fingers, but it did come in handy during that time. Just wish the good times had kept rolling longer. And I sort of felt like Elaine (from Seinfeld), when she helped her boyfriend become a doctor, and he dumped her after reaching that goal. Sure, the goal I helped with was easier, but... well, I felt *used* -- NOT!

The icing on the cake for the evening was that a reporter from the BU daily newspaper interviewed me and included a paragraph about me in her story (link). From the story:

Scott O'Neil, an information technology manager from Waltham, said he submitted his six-word memoir for both books because he enjoyed the project. His six-word memoir, published in the book about love, was "they all came before they left," he said.

"It opened up my emotional life a little bit more," O'Neil said. "It forced me to go back and live through those [memories] and experience them again."

In any event, I just thought I'd write about this a bit, because it was one of the most satisfying projects I've ever been associated with. I've remade connections with past friends and relatives and found new connections with my friends of today. I thank Rachel and Larry for coming up with the idea and Rachel especially for her endless encouragement.

More about this soon.

- Scott

One? How About Six!

I got this idea from my friend's blog, where I posted my one-word replies to these questions. However, since I'm more of a six-word guy, I'm changing the rules. All answers here must have exactly *six* words instead.

Here are mine:

Where is your mobile phone? Inside jacket pocket, awaiting your call.

Where is your significant other? In the kitchen, Turkey Day prep.

Your hair colour? Full and brown, flecks of gray.

Your mother? Usually Maine, always in a fog.

Your father? In the ground for thirteen years.

Your favorite thing? Endorphins make the world more bearable.

Your dream last night? No dream to tell. So sorry.

Your dream goal? Disappear now, reappear whenever I want.

The room you're in? Small, Patriots mementos, iMac, scratching posts.

Your hobby? Pondering how culture shapes our existence.

Your fear? At this point, only one: torture.

Where do you want to be in 6 years? Six years further, six years older.

Where were you last night? Stayed at home, shared Thanksgiving ideas.

What you're not? Destroyed, despite the world's best efforts.

One of your wish-list items? Home playoff run with exciting finish!

Where you grew up? Cedarwood, Waltham, Massachusetts, USA, Earth, Milky...

The last thing you did? Solved hard killer Sudoku, congratulated self.

What are you wearing? Loose fit jeans, new shirt, smile.

Your TV? Unfairly large, distracting, worth every penny.

Your pets? Adorable, snuggly, curious, scared, quiet, comfortable.

Your computer? Absolutely necessary to exist these days.

Your mood? More upbeat than this blog indicates.

Missing someone? Always missing someone, but who isn't?

Your car? Boxy, AWD, reliable, red, in driveway.

Something you're not wearing? Boxers, briefs, panties, boy shorts, thong.

Favourite shop? Joie de Vivre, Massachusetts Avenue, Cambridge.

Your summer? Absolute busiest ever, but worth it.

Love someone? Can't answer in only six words.

Your favourite colour? Today: blue. Yesterday: red. Black? Never.

When is the last time you laughed? Cat hanging upside down, earlier today.

When is the last time you cried? May of 1983, sad television show.

- Scott

30,000 Year Plan, Part III

And the 30,000 Year Plan continues unabated.

Proof #9 that in 29,992 years I could be as famous as Angelina Jolie: Smith Magazine decided to include another of my memoirs in their up-coming book of six-worders about Love & Heartbreak.

No image this time (and when you read my memoir, you will be glad of that), but the possibility of more publicity work and of course, another chance to hob-nob with the upper crust at the book launch.

For those of you unfamiliar with the 30,000 Year Plan, kindly check it out here.

And thank you for your support in my quest for soul-destroying fame!

- Scott

30,000 Year Plan, Part II

From time to time there are creeping signs that I am gaining some teeny-tiny modicum of notoriety. It used to worry me. But rather than fight it, I've incorporated it into something I call "The 30,000 Year Plan." The idea is that if I continue doing what I'm doing and work hard at it, in 30,000 years, I will be as famous as Angelina Jolie is right now.

I'm eight years into the plan, and Proof #8 that I'm on track is a letter of mine quoted and published by an ESPN columnist (under "Reader Comments" here).

He did take some liberties with the content of my letter, so here it is in its entirety:

Gregg,

Your stance that rich universities should spend more of their endowments could easily apply to the world's major religions.

How many hungry could be fed if the Pope sold off all the riches of Vatican City and put them to Christian uses? How many homeless could be sheltered if Sun Myung Moon spent money on that instead of enriching his family? How many dying could be cured if the Salvationists bought life-saving drugs instead of sending money back to London headquarters?

Religions are not required to report the size of their "endowments," so direct comparisons are difficult. But given some of the excesses seen in many of the larger religions -- as well as their much longer time in existence -- we can safely assume the big guys have lots of money. In fact, I'd suggest that their "endowments" dwarf Harvard the same way that Harvard's dwarfs smaller universities.

So given your stance on colleges/universities, can we assume that you will soon call on the leaders of major religions to begin using their accumulated capital for the betterment of human beings?

- Scott

PS. I'd like to believe the best of you, Gregg. Please don't take a pass on this question just because you are religious.

Just further proof that I existed here in the early 21st century (documented for ever and ever by Google.com, I'm sure). 29,992 years to go, Angelina -- I'm hot on your trail!

- Scott

PS. Here is the past proof that The 30,000 Year Plan is for real.

Proof #7. A picture of me dressed as the Riddler appeared at Boston.com to celebrate the release of the latest Batman movie, The Dark Knight. (Note: they keep changing the list order, so you'll just have to scroll through them to find me.) My costume was one of the few home made ones, and I still own most of it, so I'm all set for Halloween every year! Until I get the mid-life beer gut.

Here are some past indications of my burgeoning fame:

Proof #6a. In February 2008, I was featured in Smith Magazine's online publicity blitz for a book of six-word memoirs. In fact, they pretty much just published an email I sent, so in a way, I was the *author* of that article -- no offense, Rachel :)

Proof #6b. And of course, the reason for the feature on me was that I had my six-word memoir and accompanying drawing published on its own page in an actual book, Not Quite What I Was Planning. I've had multiple requests for autographs and had one person tell me that if I could do 20 more drawings like the one in the book, she could get me a gallery showing. I was flattered, of course, but it took me a month to do the one they published, and as I stated in the other article, it was very tough to do.

(Side note: my father had some poetry published in a book, but he had to buy a bunch of copies to ensure his inclusion. And it became clear after the fact that the "publishers" simply collected money from a lot of people who wanted their poetry published and then distributed the book back to them. So I guess I'm one step ahead of my dad -- but just a very, very small step.)

Proof #6c. Also associated with the release of the book, there were multiple sitings of my memoir and image on the web. NPR featured it (along with others in a picture gallery) on their Talk of the Nation blog, Boing Boing had it on their page of cool new things, it was all over the blogosphere (Ward Six, Moving from Me to We, something called Wishbone Clover, even the Washington Post baseball notebook), and lastly, it was featured in a journal where I worked.

Proof #5. I had an article published on the well-respected web site, Coldhardfootballfacts.com. It detailed how bad the NFC was versus the AFC, and was the first piece that they received from one of their readers that the decided merited being published by them.

Proof #4. I've had several letters published on the Boston Globe, most notably about malpractice insurance, the current war in Iraq, and the Patriots rules about ticket resale.

Proof #3. I have been elected a delegate to the state convention of a major political party four years running. No big deal to do it once; but to be re-elected three more times and to wield some actual local clout is the big deal here.

Proof #2. At Super Bowl XXXIX, my brother and I were interviewed for an article in the local Jacksonville paper. And despite my brother's worries, I did indeed make it back alive in plenty of time to see the Patriots beat the Eagles!

Proof #1. In November of 2003, I had an article published in the Boston Globe detailing why Bill Belichick was a better head coach than Bill Parcells. Believe it or not, there was still a debate at the time. Now, of course, everyone knows that I was right -- but I'll let my words do the talking and leave the bragging to others.

I will keep you updated on how things are going with the plan. If you continue to read this blog, perhaps in fifteen-hundred years or so you will begin to see the wisdom of my slow-and-steady approach.

- Scott

6 versus 153,000

Who the hell wants to be famous? Rich is one thing... I'd take the money, travel the globe, and run charitable foundations behind the scenes. But famous? Give up my private life and have every flaw analyzed by masses of ill-qualified sycophants and haters? Ummmm... no thanks. I'll let Britney Spears have her breakdown in public. She seems to enjoy it.

But the real problem with fame is it doesn't care what you want. Sometimes it comes calling whether you like it or not. I don't think this guy *liked* being stuck in an elevator for 41 hours, but I saw him on GMA the other day. And no doubt Jake Brown would rather not have fallen 40 feet off his skateboard. But he's an X-games legend because of it. Neither wanted to make history, but their follies brought them fame anyway, sort of like Elaine's dancing on Seinfeld.

So my exhaustive 137 posts (with over 153,000 words) about the New England Patriots didn't get me noticed at all. I love football, it's like full-speed, full-contact chess. And I love keeping tabs on the Patriots and the discussions the posts have sparked with my friends. But after all those game summaries, season previews, and playoff predictions, I reached my *zenith* of semi-fame for 6 words that have nothing to do with football.

"Changing mind postponed demise by decades." That was my submission to a Smith Magazine contest for a six-word memoir. It took me about 20 minutes to come up with it, and after I submitted it in December of 2006, I didn't think about it again.

Until February '07. That's when Rachel Fershleiser (one of the Smith Magazine Editors) approached me and 400 others about a book deal they'd gotten from Harper Perennial. They wanted permission to use my memoir, and they wanted me to create a visual image to accompany it in the book. I wrestled with the image for about a month and finally sent in my best effort. The book wasn't due out for a year, and there was no guarantee I'd be in it, so I sort of lost track of it.

Until December of that year, when I emailed Rachel and found out that I was indeed in the book. I thought that was pretty cool, and then I got more news. My memoir was one of only 40 or so that would include the user-created image *and* be on its own page. I can't really draw, so I was shocked that my scribbling was good enough. Maybe they didn't get enough other submissions or the ones they got sucked. But whatever the reason, I'd been singled out -- and was a tinsy-weensy bit more famous than before.

So in a year, I'd gone from 1 of 5,000 anonymous contest entries to 1 of 40 authors with his own page in a book. That's quite a climb up the fame ladder, and mind you, I didn't care one way or the other. Just doing my thing, and someone happened to notice. And guess what, it didn't quite end there.

As part of their campaign to publicize the book, Smith Magazine decided to profile several of the contributors. They asked for background on my memoir, hoping my story would be interesting enough to be part of their web-site blitz at book launch. Not only did they like it, they inserted an introductory paragraph and published the entire bloody email (complete with asides to the person I was emailing).

Now I *really* felt like a published author. Six words and a drawing in the book were okay, but 1,000 words for an online magazine with subscribers and advertisers seemed like a much bigger deal.

The publication of the book led to a bunch of other fun things. I'll chronicle those over the next few weeks. But there is one thing I learned from all this.

I've heard the whole "do what you love" theory, and I call it complete BS. You have to earn a living, and almost no one can earn one doing what we *really* want, sitting on a beach drinking mint juleps and making love with whomever we want. However, I think it's important to do your absolute best at whatever you decide to try. Because you never know which thing you do might lead to something fun or interesting.

I don't think I'd have gotten in the book if I didn't have a memoir that resonated and intriuged. And I wouldn't have gotten my own page if I blew off drawing an image (which was the toughest part of the whole project). And no way would Smith Magazine have published my email if I threw it together in 10 minutes.

So forget about "do what you love" -- it's a fairy tale told by those who already succeeded. But always do your best at whatever you care about. Your level of effort is one of the few things you can control, so don't blow *that*.

- Semi-famous Scott