30,000 Year Plan, Part IV

So while I was away, the 30,000 year plan proceeded uninterrupted. Three bits of news about it:

1. My Patriots blog became more famous in two ways. First, it was listed among the top 100 for the keywords "nfl standings." Might not seem like much, but it squeaked past Pro Football Weekly's web page into 76th place, and I love that magazine.

2. And second, someone named marosia posted a SPAM/Advertisement in the comments section of a post. It's a little strange that someone used my blog to advertise a place to buy Patriots tickets, but somehow I think that makes me slightly more famous than I was before.

3. Additionally I had a letter published in the Boston Globe last week. Granted it wasn't about anything earth-shattering; but long after I'm gone it will remain as a reminder that I existed. And getting a letter in the paper certainly can't *hurt* the 30,000 year plan. If anyone remembers what a newspaper is :)

So as the plan proceeds, take note Angelina Jolie -- 29,991 more years and I'll be as famous as you!

That's all for now. Check back this weekend for posts about Avatar and James Cameron in the run up to the Oscars telecast on Sunday.

- Scott

Heavenly Turducken Burgers

My wife asked me to cook dinner for her birthday, and only required that I make something I thought she'd like. I have no culinary training, but I'd been playing with the idea of rethinking the turducken (a southern Thanksgiving dish), so I decided to try it.

After a discussing possible ideas with friends, I chose to cook turducken burgers (or more accurately, turducken sliders, a.k.a. mini-burgers). I can't really duplicate how I came up with the recipe. Suffice it to say it involved web research, trial and error, instinct, and guesswork.

But when grilled as suggested and topped with cheddar cheese, my homemade turducken sliders were absolutely amazing. Probably the best burgers I ever ate, and that includes the $18 burger at Craigie on Main.

So without further delay, here is the recipe.

(Note: just to cover myself legally, please make sure you handle the birds and/or meat carefully, practice proper sanitation, wash your hands and utensils often and liberally, and cook the burgers completely. If anyone asks for a "medium rare" turducken burger, give 'em a dope-slap and cook it all the way through. You will both feel better in the end.)

Ingredients:

• 7 oz. ground turkey
• 7 oz. ground duck
• 7 oz. ground chicken

(It's okay to buy these at a butcher shop or supermarket, if you can find them. But if you can't you'll have to grind your own, and that is the only difficult part of the recipe. I found ground turkey and chicken but had to grind my own duck; click here for tips on how.)

• 1/2 cup fresh parsley leaves, finely chopped
• 3 fresh sage leaves, finely chopped
• 2 1/2 tablespoons butter, softened but not melted
• 2 small garlic cloves, finely minced (about 1 1/2 teaspoons)
• your favorite vegetable oil (I used olive oil)
• salt and pepper for seasoning
• cheddar cheese (the good stuff, you won't regret it), sliced
• small buns/rolls (about 2" square, with a crust that isn't too hard)

Preparation:

Once you have all the ingredients as listed, crank up your gas or charcoal grill to full heat. While the grill warms up, here is what you do.

Slice 7 of your burger buns in half, and place them on a plate.

In a large bowl, use your hands to mix all three meats together, working them for about a minute until they are pretty well integrated. They will be slightly different colors, so it should be easy to tell.

Add the butter, garlic, sage, and parsley to the meat and mix that for about a minute or two, until the ingredients are fully integrated.

Get a plastic or glass cutting board (don't use wood!). Divide the mix into 7 portions (about 3 oz. each), shape them into small burgers, and place them on the cutting board, separated by at least an inch on each side. Size them so they will fit on the buns -- they will not shrink much during cooking.

Once the burgers are on the board, season to taste with salt and pepper (fresh ground pepper if you have it).

Pour some vegetable oil into a small bowl, and brush each burger across the top. This will be the side that goes on the grill, and the oil is there to make sure the sliders don't stick. Note: before you start cooking, check that you have enough oil to brush the other side before flipping.

Bring the cutting board with burgers, the oil and brush, the sliced cheese, and the buns out to the grill. Also take a holding plate for the cooked burgers.

One at a time, place the burgers on the grill, oil-side down. Close the lid, and set your timer for 3 minutes. I cooked them 3 minutes on a side, but that's just a guideline -- your results may vary. While you wait, this is a good time to put the cutting board in the sink or dishwasher and wash your hands again.

When the timer goes off, open the grill, quickly brush each burger with oil and flip them (it might produce some flames, don't worry as long as it doesn't get out of hand). Close the lid and set your timer for 3 more minutes.

When the timer reaches 1 minute (or 45 seconds if it's a macho grill), put the buns on the grill, place some sliced cheese on the burgers, and close the lid again. Depending on how powerful your grill is you might have to remove the buns after 30 seconds. You want them toasted, not scorched.

When the timer goes off, check one of the burgers for doneness (there should be NO PINK at all -- we're dealing with poultry here!) and either cook them a bit longer or remove them to the holding plate.

Believe it or not, that's it. Put 'em on the buns and eat 'em while they are hot. I served them without any condiments -- though you're free to improvise, *I* sure did :)

I hope you like yours as much as I did mine. Butchering and grinding the duck was challenging, but well worth the effort. The turducken burgers sort of reminded me of buffalo burgers, but when combined with the cheddar cheese they surpassed the best I ever tasted.

Please let me know if you try this recipe and especially if you come up with any good variations or suggestions to improve the turducken sliders.

Happy eating!

- Scott

PS. The only restaurant I found with turducken burgers is in Philadelphia (restaurant review and menu). They don't grind their duck (insert raunchy joke here), so they aren't as fully integrated as what I made. But suffice it to say that next time I'm in Philly I plan to stop in and try one!

How to make Gound Duck

This is a primer on how to make ground duck. I'm not an expert in this field, but I couldn't find any butcher shop that would do it for me so I wanted to provide some guidance for people who want to try my Turducken Burger recipe (link). Suffice it to say that if you undertake this procedure it is at your own risk, and that I bear no legal or moral responsibility if things go horribly wrong. Always be careful with food sanitation, especially when dealing with poultry.

Before you start, you can't grind duck without some sort of machine. There are three kinds, manual, stand-alone units, and meat grinding attachments for mixers. If you don't own a grinder, you will have to buy or borrow one before you start. I read on the web that a hand mixer is best for grinding poultry, but I used a KitchenAid stand mixer with a grinding attachment.

First things first; here is a video on how to get the most meat from your duck:

Note that this video doesn't mention the gizzards (that come inside a packaged duck) or the wings -- but we won't be using those for the ground duck.

Once I deboned my duck, I removed all the fat and skin and the bones from the legs. It might sound complicated, but if I can do it so can you. Take your time and remember, you only need 7 oz. of ground duck for the recipe, so even if you don't get every last morsel you should have plenty.

Once I had all the duck meat I was going to get, I cut it into small pieces, about 1" square. I placed those on a flexible plastic cutting board, spaced out so they weren't touching.

Then I chilled the duck meat in the freezer for 15 minutes, took it out and flipped the pieces over, and put it back in the freezer for another 10 minutes. This didn't actually freeze the duck, but it chilled it enough to make the grinding a lot easier.

I set up my grinding machine and once I took out the cold duck, I used the medium to medium-high speed to grind it quickly.

That is about it... good luck with whatever you are using the ground duck for.

- Scott

Book #22 The Host by Stephanie Meyer

The twenty-second book I read since May 2008 is:

The Host by Stephanie Meyer

****Note: spoiler alert****

I love a good story that explores what it means to be a person. The movie Blade Runner is one of the classic tales that ponders whether or not being born makes you human, or if it is something more. And this book held that possibility, with a reverse-telling of Invasion of the Body Snatchers.

However, The Host didn't end up doing a very good job of fleshing out the issues it held in its hands. It's a very intriguing concept; but most characters are either well-worn stereotypes (Kyle, Jeb, even Melanie), meaningless props (all of the rest of the Souls), or window-dressing/furniture (most of the rest of the crew living in the caves).

Only Jared, Doc, Wanda/Wanderer have the kind of complexity to explore the issues at hand, and unfortunately that wasn't enough to make it an interesting discussion. The rest of it seems more like a lurid look at love triangles where there were only two bodies but three "people."

Also unfortunately, the book is over 600 pages, and you can predict how it will end about 200 pages in. By that time, I was invested enough to want to finish. Problem is that I didn't find Meyer's writing style gripping enough to hold my attention.

Meyer is an okay writer, but she has a bit of a tin ear for dialogue and has several characters who do the same thing over and over (Jamie, and even the main character spring to mind). So on the whole, the idea was great, the story was well constructed, but the characters and writing weren't enough to sustain 600 pages.

Okay, but not worth the effort unless you've read and enjoy the style of the writer.

- Scott

Book #21: Leading Geeks

The twenty-first book I read since May 2008 is:

Leading Geeks by Paul Glen

I actually saw Glen speak a few years ago, and was promised a copy of his book at the time. I never got that copy, and turns out I didn't miss much. The book is decent, but I didn't learn anything in it that he didn't cover in his presentation.

My advice; get it at the library and read about the first one-third. The rest is rehash of the initial thesis, which is that geeks are different from the rest of us and need totally new thinking by their managers. Not a ground-breaking thought, but Glen starts out doing a good job explaining why the old models don't work and then peters out as he reproves the same thing over and over.

- Scott

Book #22: The Giver

The twenty-second book I read since May 2008 is:

The Giver by Lois Lowry

Labeled juvenile fiction, The Giver is a lot deeper than most books aimed at that age group. It takes place in a world without meaningful differences, where people's obedience is their greatest strength, and where all feelings are discussed and dismissed before they get out of hand. It's a world of control that evolved out of a fear of chaos.

In some ways it's like the world in The Handmaid's Tale (by Margaret Atwood), given that the society is closed and insular but you don't really know how far it reaches and what is just beyond it. And that uncertainty helps hold it all together.

But back to The Giver; the main character is a teen named Jonas and he is chosen for the ultimate job -- to serve as the repository of all emotions of the greater society. It's important because some decisions can't be made through sheer logic, so when the elders are faced with tough choices they will call on Jonas to make the right decision.

But the new job comes with difficulties: the newly provided freedom to lie to those close to him, knowledge of his family's (and the larger society's), and understanding of the horrors of starvation and war. He is up to the task, but it is exhausting to both him and "The Giver" (the man giving him the emotions).

However, once Jonas begins experiencing the joys and sorrows of emotion, he just can't bring himself to deny them to the rest of his community. And even though he is called "The Receiver" through most of the book, at the end he sacrifices himself to become the real "Giver" -- gifting emotions to all those in his orbit in exchange for his own life.

The Christ symbolism is thick here, but the tale is one that shows the scary underbelly of conformity and ultimately shuns it for the unpredictable world of natural beauty and feeling. A quick read and a layered story that held my nephew's attention (no small feat). I'd recommend it; and given how quick a read it was, I'll probably re-read it again soon.

- Scott

Book #20: Lies and the Lying Liars Who Tell Them

Twentieth book I read since May 2008:

Lies and the Lying Liars Who Tell Them by Al Franken

I enjoyed the book, though it didn't tell me a lot I didn't already know or suspect. Yes, the right-wing spin machine lies, bolstered by the middle-right mainstream media outlets and the conservatives who own and operate them. And yes, the lies can weaken freedoms and squelch debate here at home and support catastrophic foreign policy mistakes.

It was funny at times and informative all the time. I didn't care much for Franken's imagined comic book (Operation Chickenhawk -- starring the stars of the right wing who somehow got out of military duty); he was more pointed and funnier when he stuck to debunking the lies.

But what was missing was a solution to the problem of liars. The louder you denounce them, the more their lies are repeated by a media hungry to report on the fight. And the more you ignore them, the bolder they seem to become. All the while rationality dies a slow death at the hands of talk radio and screaming heads on television.

The solution might be to let both sides scream themselves silly and continually elect centrist politicians. And maybe someday, when the screamers realize the error of their ways, they'll join us in civil society again.

- Scott

Intuit Screws Macintosh Users

My bank just notified me that Intuit is discontinuing support for Quicken 2006 at the end of April. Normally that would be no problem, they regularly retire products about three years after they come out. I would normally just buy the latest version and be on my way.

But the timing of this decision is curious. They haven't released a new version for the Macintosh in almost two years, and they have a new Macintosh version coming out this summer. Note that the new version won't be out in time to allow Macintosh users to upgrade directly from Quicken 2006 to the 2009 version -- unless they want to go without a lot of Quicken functionality while they wait.

So to continue using the full feature set of Quicken, I have to shell out $50 for two year-old Quicken 2007, support for which would likely be cut off next year, at which point I'd have to pay to upgrade to Quicken 2009 (or whatever they are calling it now).

I never thought I'd be saying this about Intuit, but that is pretty Microsoft-like treatment of their Macintosh users.  I really enjoy their products and have always thought of them as a company that was more sensitive to consumer needs than most.  That is probably why they'd done so well over the years.

But I think they should reconsider their schedule and support Quicken 2006 until they release a stable version of the 2009 software for Macintosh users.  If they get the new version out the door in July or August, it's only another three months.

Surely they can support their Macintosh users that much longer. We've supported them for over a decade.

Just my two cents... in an effort to save $50 ;)

- Scott

Book #16: Certain Things Last by Sherwood Anderson

Sixteenth book I read since May 2008:

Certain Things Last: The Selected Short Stories of Sherwood Anderson (edited by Charles E. Modlin)

I enjoyed every single minute of this book. Anderson's spare style and simple phraseology make him easy to read and get into, and he pulls a lot of life knowledge from simple things.

His landscape is mostly rural Ohio, and yet his stories plumb the depths of human experience. Frustration, sexual desire and promiscuity, family obligations and limitations, status, artistry, the innocence and lack of innocence of youth, race relations, class distinctions, and even gender bending.

He also portrays his world with simple grace, bringing back visions of old town and slick cities as they moved from the industrial revolution and the great depression. But not the down sides of this transformation but the simple realities those events created for the people who had to survive them. And the yearnings and discarded dreams of those people.

The stories are short but chock full of great writing and vast knowledge. My favorites were Death in the Woods, Virginia Justice, and Fred. Anderson is a thoroughly modern and accessible writer, and I'd recommend these or any of his works to anyone.

- Scott

Book #15:Tales of H.P. Lovecraft

Fifteenth book I read since May 2008:

Tales of H.P. Lovecraft by H.P. Lovecraft (edited by Joyce Carol Oates)

In the end I think Lovecraft spends more time building a scary world than actually scaring you. Maybe it's because of the time he wrote and how much the fright-and-gore industry has grown, but an underdescribed descent into madness that ends in cannibalism or weird stuff that happens after a meteor lands in a New England field just didn't do it for someone raise on Jason the Slasher and Stephen King. King still thinks Lovecraft is brilliant, and he probably knows more about it than me. But if you are like me and haven't studied horror fiction extensively, you're more likely to react to this out-dated fiction the way I did.

- Scott

Book #14: Charlie and the Chocolate Factory

Fourteenth book I read since May 2008:

Charlie and the Chocolate Factory by Roald Dahl

Now that was one quick read. A lot of fun to get to this after repeated viewings of the movie (the Gene Wilder classic, not that more recent one). some of the differences struck me: more mean-spirited Oompa Loompa songs; no absent father; finality on what happened to the other kids; no Slugworth temptation, etc. And when I read the final scene, the music from the movie was spinning around in my head. Just couldn't help it.

I think I liked the movie better. Some of the songs were similar and a lot of the ideas were in the book. But Roald Dahl's original didn't have "Cheer Up, Charlie" or "Pure Imagination" -- both of which I love. And the visual sense brought to the movie was equal if not better than the descriptions in the children's book. Sort of the same reason I like the movie version of A Clockwork Orange better than the book. Yikes -- bet that's the first time *those* two movies have been mentioned in the same paragraph ;)

- Scott

2 x 6 = enjoyment!

Some of you are no doubt aware that I had a six-word memoir published a year ago. Well, the folks at Smith Magazine are at it again, and they've just released another tome of shorter-than-short non-fiction -- this time with a theme: "Love & Heartbreak." And believe it or not, *I* am at it again, too. I had a second memoir published, one of the few people to be featured in both books.

The first memoir was pretty serious stuff. "Changing mind postponed demise by decades" refers to a few simple decisions that, when repeated every day for years, pulled me out of a suicidal depression. The memoir and accompanying image are here (ninth one in the series), and the back-story was published by Smith Magazine here.

Interestingly my mother and one of my sisters commented on the back-story, both saying they had no idea what I was going through. I know that wasn't true for my mom, but I believe my sister. And it surprised me that she didn't know -- but she was probably dealing with her own demons from the crazed family environment. I didn't really know what was going on with her, either. Maybe someday she'll write a six-word memoir that *I* can comment on :)

Anyhow, the second memoir is on the topic of Love & Heartbreak. Rachel Fershleiser and Larry Smith from Smith Magazine were in town last Tuesday on the book launch tour. I checked in with them at the event, at the Brookline Booksmith, and got more than I bargained for.

First, the bookstore's projector was missing a cable. Calling on my years of IT experience, I figured out that we could scavenge one from an old monitor and that's how IT Man saved the day (and got his first round of applause!). They got to show a nice presentation with some choice memoirs from the new book, and it was a great way to warm up the crowd.

Once things got rolling, they called me up to talk about the first and second memoirs, the back stories to each, and how I felt about the process. After telling a shorter version of the back-story from the first one, I moved on to the second memoir.

"They all came before they left."

That got a hearty laugh from the audience, and after some banter between me and Rachel, the story I told was basically this. The memoir refers to a string of women who broke things off with me right after I got them to... er, the "promised land," if you know what I mean. I realize that each relationship ended for different reasons, but it was an odd coincidence that they never seemed to fall apart *before* I got to show my mastery.

My friends sometimes joke about my video game fast-twitch fingers, but it did come in handy during that time. Just wish the good times had kept rolling longer. And I sort of felt like Elaine (from Seinfeld), when she helped her boyfriend become a doctor, and he dumped her after reaching that goal. Sure, the goal I helped with was easier, but... well, I felt *used* -- NOT!

The icing on the cake for the evening was that a reporter from the BU daily newspaper interviewed me and included a paragraph about me in her story (link). From the story:

Scott O'Neil, an information technology manager from Waltham, said he submitted his six-word memoir for both books because he enjoyed the project. His six-word memoir, published in the book about love, was "they all came before they left," he said.

"It opened up my emotional life a little bit more," O'Neil said. "It forced me to go back and live through those [memories] and experience them again."

In any event, I just thought I'd write about this a bit, because it was one of the most satisfying projects I've ever been associated with. I've remade connections with past friends and relatives and found new connections with my friends of today. I thank Rachel and Larry for coming up with the idea and Rachel especially for her endless encouragement.

More about this soon.

- Scott

Book #13: Frankenstein

Thirteenth book I read since May 2008:

Frankenstein by Mary Shelley

Not what I expected, having been raised on the movie version. Much more social commentary than horror (though it might have been horror for its time), the book excels at drawing out the problems that science can create in the name of doing good or simply increasing knowledge. More so than any scientist in history, Victor Frankenstein comes to regret his scientific exploration, facing a fate where the monster of his creation spares no effort in making his life miserable. Imagine that the people who created the atomic bomb had everyone and everything they loved destroyed by it, and you begin to understand Frankenstein's remorse.

The monster is not the scariest thing in the book -- it's Victor and his lack of humanity toward his own creation. He gives it life and then denies it all of the basics of life: food, shelter, purpose, companionship, and love. Frankenstein himself is less compassionate toward his creation than his creation is toward others -- the monster unleashing most all its venom on Victor and those closest to him.

Overall a great character study of a scientist more devoted to knowledge and what he can do with it than to considering the outcome of his quest. The best quote I found that illustrated his non-humanity is as follows:

Company was irksome to me; when alone, I could fill my mind with the sights of heaven and earth... and I could thus cheat myself into a transitory peace. But busy, uninteresting, joyous faces brought back despair to my heart. I saw an insurmountable barrier placed between me and my fellow men.

Ladies and gentlemen -- the "heroic" scientist, Victor Frankenstein!

- Scott

Blog Update!

Just wanted to write a quick note to say that I've split my blog into three separate blogs, and I might need to split it again. It's obvious that an overall blog gets pulled in too many directions and is confusing to anyone who wants to follow a single theme. So for the moment, I've put the board games and Patriots entries and links on these two blogs:

Board Games information is at http://settlersofdune.blogspot.com

New England Patriots information is at http://yourpatriots.blogspot.com

Note that I have links in all three blogs to each other (in the upper-right), so if you get lost you can easily return to your area of interest.

I promise to keep you posted if there are any other changes, and thanks for your patience during this time of transition.

- Scott

Book #12: Watchmen

Since I started taking the train to work, I have been reading for pleasure for the first time in over a decade. So continuing the semi-tradition, here is the list of books I have read in 2009.

Twelfth book I read since May 2008:

Watchmen by Alan Moore and Dave Gibbons

It was so overhyped I thought there was no way it could measure up. Some of the longer set pieces read as if the same author wrote them (which he did), and as with many graphic novels, some of the dialogue was stiff and too explanatory.

On the plus side, the concept was very good, excellent illustrations, the overlapping imagery played very well, and the imagination put into it is breathtaking. I would say it's my second favorite graphic novel of all time -- right after Maus.

Book #11: The Corrections

Eleventh book I read since May 2008:

The Corrections by Jonathan Franzen

Basic story: mom wants the family together at home for one last Christmas. What could be easier, right? Well, a little bit tougher with a family as dysfunctional and denial-bound as this one. Some heart-breaking scenes provide reasons that dysfunction and/or denial exist, and though sometimes overwrought with imagery, it has some clever use of language and evocative turns of phrase. And the final two chapters will resonate with anyone who has ever felt like "the other" or worried about their own -- or a loved one's -- mortality. In other words, something for everyone growing up here on Earth.

At 550+ pages and sometimes jumping around in time, it ain't for the faint of heart. I liked it, but doesn't quite make my fave-five of 2008.

- Scott

Book #10: George's Mother

Tenth book I read since May 2008:

George's Mother by Stephen Crane

Didn't really read like it was any big deal. Sort of scattershot and unfocused, but still worth a read (it's very short).

- Scott

One? How About Six!

I got this idea from my friend's blog, where I posted my one-word replies to these questions. However, since I'm more of a six-word guy, I'm changing the rules. All answers here must have exactly *six* words instead.

Here are mine:

Where is your mobile phone? Inside jacket pocket, awaiting your call.

Where is your significant other? In the kitchen, Turkey Day prep.

Your hair colour? Full and brown, flecks of gray.

Your mother? Usually Maine, always in a fog.

Your father? In the ground for thirteen years.

Your favorite thing? Endorphins make the world more bearable.

Your dream last night? No dream to tell. So sorry.

Your dream goal? Disappear now, reappear whenever I want.

The room you're in? Small, Patriots mementos, iMac, scratching posts.

Your hobby? Pondering how culture shapes our existence.

Your fear? At this point, only one: torture.

Where do you want to be in 6 years? Six years further, six years older.

Where were you last night? Stayed at home, shared Thanksgiving ideas.

What you're not? Destroyed, despite the world's best efforts.

One of your wish-list items? Home playoff run with exciting finish!

Where you grew up? Cedarwood, Waltham, Massachusetts, USA, Earth, Milky...

The last thing you did? Solved hard killer Sudoku, congratulated self.

What are you wearing? Loose fit jeans, new shirt, smile.

Your TV? Unfairly large, distracting, worth every penny.

Your pets? Adorable, snuggly, curious, scared, quiet, comfortable.

Your computer? Absolutely necessary to exist these days.

Your mood? More upbeat than this blog indicates.

Missing someone? Always missing someone, but who isn't?

Your car? Boxy, AWD, reliable, red, in driveway.

Something you're not wearing? Boxers, briefs, panties, boy shorts, thong.

Favourite shop? Joie de Vivre, Massachusetts Avenue, Cambridge.

Your summer? Absolute busiest ever, but worth it.

Love someone? Can't answer in only six words.

Your favourite colour? Today: blue. Yesterday: red. Black? Never.

When is the last time you laughed? Cat hanging upside down, earlier today.

When is the last time you cried? May of 1983, sad television show.

- Scott

Book #9: Maggie: A Girl on the Streets

Ninth book I read since May 2008:

Maggie: A Girl on the Streets by Stephen Crane

I always thought that Crane was the most modern of the turn-of-the-century writers. I'd read this one before, so some of its impact was lost. But the characterization of slum life and the ways of self-medicating in the face of it are pungent and alive, and the double-standards applied to women are too true and heart-breaking.

- Scott

Book #8: Democracy

Eight book I read since May 2008:

Democracy by Joan Didion

I read Play It As It Lays by Didion years ago, and liked its honesty and simple prose. Democracy was a broader reach and used a less accessible overall structure. I will say it was nice to get back to Didion, but I'll be looking for better things from her in future readings.

- Scott